Horn rimmed glasses don't make you smarter...asshole



I'm pyschic and annoyed that these glasses will become cool



This Hollywood trend of black horn rimmed glasses to make you appear intelligent really aggravates the shit out of me. When I was little I actually wanted to wear glasses. I have no idea why I wanted them, but I did everything in my power to make sure I could get them. I would sit as close to the T.V. as humanly possibly. Every time my mom would tell me to back up I would, then when she walked away I would press my face against the glass.





"Scorned woman" glasses



My plan worked at the age of 9, I was told that I needed glasses. My first pair of glasses were plastic horn(ish) rimmed ones. My Aunt Karen told me that wired rimmed glasses were dorky and plastic ones were what was cool. Honestly, I think she just wanted to make sure I wouldn't break my glasses because wire rimmed ones are more fragile.

My first pair of glasses

I decided to get plastic purple ones and I still can't believe she let me get them. They were the epitome of "this kid should get beaten up for these dorky ass glasses" glasses. When I find a picture of me wearing them I will post because WOW they were really bad. However, I did find this awesome picture of purple horn rimmed glasses that were very similar to what mine actually looked like. I really do think that these might have been the ones I did wear.



  

"Fake bake preggo" glasses



"I cheated on my wife" glasses



In middle school I decided to switch over to the wire framed ones because I realized how freaking dorky the plastic ones really were. The wire rimmed ones weren't that much better I looked like an owl with my huge round wire rimmed glasses. I think my plan of wanting glasses was starting to backfire. I didn't realize that when I got older I might not want to have any. Especially since I wanted to wear make up and feel pretty. Plus, it was a pretty well known fact that you couldn't be pretty if you wore glasses. Whenever, the dorky girl gets made over in movies the first thing to go is her glasses at least that was the case in the 90's. Now she's the leading character and only puts on her hipster glasses when she's doing something smart in a movie. 





"Smuggy Mcsmuggerson" glasses



When I finally did get contacts in middle school vanity won over. I wore them all the time because I could use eye make up. I went through a period in middle school where I would only wear contacts. It got to the point where I lost the contact for my left eye and would only wear one contact for about 6 months. I didn't want my mom to get mad at me for losing the contact, but I didn't want to wear glasses again. I finally admitted the truth, got in trouble, and stuck with glasses.

  

"Guido wants to be taken seriously" glasses



Sophomore year I decided to get black horn rimmed glasses. This tiny screw always popped out of the wire rimmed glasses and the lens would come out. I would have to hold my glasses together till I could find a really tiny screw driver to fix them. It was a pain in the ass and that's why I decided horn rimmed glasses would be less maintenance. I always kept a pair of contacts in case I wanted to go swimming or dress up.



"Hip-Hop moguls need to appear smart too" glasses

For a brief time in high school I wore contacts because I wanted to try something different. Then laziness won over vanity because I realized it takes a minute longer to put contacts in than to just put my glasses on. The up keep also became too much of a hassle for me. I would sleep with my contacts on all the time because I was too lazy to take them out for naps or just before bed. I would wake up with them glued to my eyeball and it would take hours to peel them off. I always had to remember to bring the case and cleaning solution with me everywhere I went. It was way too much work to deal with.



"A sex tape made me famous" glasses







"I'm actually a lesbian" glasses



Now, whenever I have to get new glasses I stick with something similar to what I always get. It's easier than trying something new which is a very boring way of life.I think I've gone through 5 pairs of black or tortoise shelled glasses. I think maybe I'll branch out next year and get those awesome purple plastic ones again. They probably only make them in child sizes so I may have to get them customized. Maybe, add some bling to it in the form of rhinestones or if I wanted to be really classy, Swarovski crystals.

"Can I be a bigger douche?" glasses





What really irritates me is that you hardly ever see these celebrities with glasses on. I wonder if these glasses are even prescription. Some of them don't even look like there are lenses in the frames.Usually celebrities only wear them when they're trying to appear less mainstream. It's so stylized and phony. They all know that "geek-chic" is in and what spells geek more than black horn rimmed glasses? Then you have all these hipsters hoping on this bandwagon like with those fucking mustaches. I want to commit glassescide and start wearing contacts, but I'm way too freaking lazy. The only time I'll wear contacts is when I want to be pretty and wear eye make up.

 

I'm shocked that a thing called hipster glasses exist







I guess I'll just have to go back to my owl wire rimmed glasses, but those will probably be next year's cool thing...fuck.







 

 

Mushroom Lasagna

I was watching the Barefoot Contessa one day and she made a portobello mushroom lasagna. I love lasagna and finding different ways of making it always appeals to me. She, of course, used a lot of heavy ingredients so I decided to make it a little bit lighter since I'm doing Weight Watchers. I also added onions and used pecorino romano cheese because I didn't have any parmesan cheese on hand. Instead of using traditional lasagna shells that you have to cook first; I used no boil lasagna shells because it's quicker.

Ingredients:

• Pre-heat oven to 375
• 28 ounces of mushrooms (I used regular button mushrooms and portobello mushrooms)
• 4 cups skim milk
• 1 medium sized onion
• 9 tbsps light butter
• 1/2 cup all purpose white flour
• 16 no boil lasagna shells (I used the Barilla brand)
• 1/2 a cup of pecorino romano cheese
• salt and pepper to taste
• 5 cloves of garlic
• Non-stick cooking spray

Instructions:

• In a sauce pan add the milk and let it simmer be careful not to let it burn stir occasionally
• Cut the mushrooms and onion (you can remove the stems and just use the tops I use the stems)
• Spray a pan with non-stick cooking spray, add 1 tbsp of light butter, then add mushrooms and onions, add a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper
• While that's cooking add 8 tablespoons of light butter into a sauce pan, once that's melted add garlic, then add the flour
• Stir the butter, garlic, and flour, then add the milk keep stirring to remove the lumps, (I use a whisk to stir) keep stirring till sauce thickens. Once the sauce has a thick creamy consistency remove from burner.
• Set up a lasagna making station I do sauce to the left, then mushrooms/onions, then cheese then right  next to my right hand I put the shells
• Put down a layer of sauce, then three shells horizontally,then another layer of sauce, mushrooms/onions, sprinkle cheese, then put another layer of shells and repeat till done
• On the top layer I add sauce and the remaining cheese
• Then spray one side of aluminium foil with non-stick cooking spray, cover the lasagna, put into the oven cook for 50-60 minutes

*You actually end up using only half of the sauce I put that on the table so you can add more sauce once the lasagna is cooked.

Serving size 6 pieces at 6 WW points per piece

I always add broccoli because it's zero points and I don't mind eating it plain. Enjoy!

Why I'm obsessed with zombies and not because Hollywood told me to be

I know that Zombies have become such a cliched niche of the supernatural genre, but I've always loved them. Here's why:



Tim (my husband) as a zombie Halloween 2009, those are my handy make up skills



I'm Filipino and not in the sense that I'm a million generations removed. I lived in the Philippines till I was four and my mom was born and raised there. I still understand Tagalog and can speak it like a 5 year old. Now if you don't know the culture then you can't possibly understand why this would make you a zombie expert. I'm going to beak it down for you and give you some helpful tips when, not if, a zombie apocalypse happens.

Filipinos are seriously a superstitious group of people. I believe this happened because here they were fun loving island people living in the Philippines (minding their own business) when BAM; Spain is all like hey I'm going to colonize you. Along with the colonization they decided to introduce Catholicism. Now here you have a bunch of superstitious jungle people and you're going to teach them about Jesus. A man who was the son of God, who walked on water, who turned water into wine, who rose from the dead, and is the savior of humanity. Do you see the juxtaposition happening here?

Spain colonized the Philippines in the 1500's and 500(ish) years later Catholicism is still one of the most practiced religions. Whenever I speak to white people who have a met a Filipino or two they always tell me how crazy Filipinos are. My answer to that is: "No shit." This article about Filipinos imitating the crucifixion pretty much sums it up. Also, what other country has a zombie race? In America we have zombie crawls where people dress up in zombie drag and stumble around, but no one is actually chasing you. Yes, we at times can be a messed up group of people however, we can sing, and dance better than you. Have you seen the Filipino prisoners dancing to Thriller and other songs?

This also goes to show you that Filipinos care so much about dancing and preforming that it's not taken away from their hardened criminals.

When I was growing up my bedtime stories from my mother didn't involve Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty they were about exorcisms and possessed people that she knew in the Province. She would tell me about people who were possessed by the Devil and had to get exorcised.

She also told me about the time her and her niece saw an Aswang and chased it down. Aswangs are the the most well known of Filipino folklore this list gives a great example of Filipino monsters. Aswangs are basically a mix of a vampire and a shape shifter. The Aswang my mom saw, was in the shape of a cat. These stories were always combined with Bible stories as well. Clearly, the Bible and demonology go together. Anytime you ask my mom for a scary story she always has a true story that's sincerely creepy. Tim always asks her to tell him a story and when she's done talking he always asks me if it's true. How would I know? I wasn't there.  



Example of an Aswang

 This is what I grew up hearing and for some reason my family thought it would be okay for me to watch horror movies at a young age. I saw IT (the movie about a creepy ass clown, based on a book by Stephen King) at the age of four. I also remember watching Pet Semetary, Nightmare on Elm Street, and numerous Filipino horror movies before turning the age of six. I was also handed a Bible and told to read the book of Revelations (which details the apocalypse) so that I could get ready for the future. I remember being handed a Catholic pamphlet, at the age of 9(ish), which gave specific instructions about what to do during that time. I wish I still had it because it had scary pictures of demon type figures surrounding a house, and the people inside were kneeling in prayer.

Now there are many other examples that I could give you as to why my fascination with the supernatural occurred from a young age, but I don't feel like typing a 2000 page book. This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my supernatural education.



Nicole and I (normal) during our Simmons heydays

 As you can see I'm not a bandwagon(er) when it comes to zombie paraphernalia. I just don't discuss it unless you're one of my close friends because then you would most likely think I was nuts. I know this for a fact because Nicole, my roommate at Simmons, and I would play a zombie game on the T all the time. When we were bored we would play, "What are your personal strategies on surviving a zombie attack at X location". The side-eyes we would get from fellow commuters behind their Boston Globes and Wall Street Journals, couldn't be more blatant. It was a fun game to pass the time and a good way to get some nice strategy tips from a different perspective.