Why I'm obsessed with zombies and not because Hollywood told me to be

I know that Zombies have become such a cliched niche of the supernatural genre, but I've always loved them. Here's why:



Tim (my husband) as a zombie Halloween 2009, those are my handy make up skills



I'm Filipino and not in the sense that I'm a million generations removed. I lived in the Philippines till I was four and my mom was born and raised there. I still understand Tagalog and can speak it like a 5 year old. Now if you don't know the culture then you can't possibly understand why this would make you a zombie expert. I'm going to beak it down for you and give you some helpful tips when, not if, a zombie apocalypse happens.

Filipinos are seriously a superstitious group of people. I believe this happened because here they were fun loving island people living in the Philippines (minding their own business) when BAM; Spain is all like hey I'm going to colonize you. Along with the colonization they decided to introduce Catholicism. Now here you have a bunch of superstitious jungle people and you're going to teach them about Jesus. A man who was the son of God, who walked on water, who turned water into wine, who rose from the dead, and is the savior of humanity. Do you see the juxtaposition happening here?

Spain colonized the Philippines in the 1500's and 500(ish) years later Catholicism is still one of the most practiced religions. Whenever I speak to white people who have a met a Filipino or two they always tell me how crazy Filipinos are. My answer to that is: "No shit." This article about Filipinos imitating the crucifixion pretty much sums it up. Also, what other country has a zombie race? In America we have zombie crawls where people dress up in zombie drag and stumble around, but no one is actually chasing you. Yes, we at times can be a messed up group of people however, we can sing, and dance better than you. Have you seen the Filipino prisoners dancing to Thriller and other songs?

This also goes to show you that Filipinos care so much about dancing and preforming that it's not taken away from their hardened criminals.

When I was growing up my bedtime stories from my mother didn't involve Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty they were about exorcisms and possessed people that she knew in the Province. She would tell me about people who were possessed by the Devil and had to get exorcised.

She also told me about the time her and her niece saw an Aswang and chased it down. Aswangs are the the most well known of Filipino folklore this list gives a great example of Filipino monsters. Aswangs are basically a mix of a vampire and a shape shifter. The Aswang my mom saw, was in the shape of a cat. These stories were always combined with Bible stories as well. Clearly, the Bible and demonology go together. Anytime you ask my mom for a scary story she always has a true story that's sincerely creepy. Tim always asks her to tell him a story and when she's done talking he always asks me if it's true. How would I know? I wasn't there.  



Example of an Aswang

 This is what I grew up hearing and for some reason my family thought it would be okay for me to watch horror movies at a young age. I saw IT (the movie about a creepy ass clown, based on a book by Stephen King) at the age of four. I also remember watching Pet Semetary, Nightmare on Elm Street, and numerous Filipino horror movies before turning the age of six. I was also handed a Bible and told to read the book of Revelations (which details the apocalypse) so that I could get ready for the future. I remember being handed a Catholic pamphlet, at the age of 9(ish), which gave specific instructions about what to do during that time. I wish I still had it because it had scary pictures of demon type figures surrounding a house, and the people inside were kneeling in prayer.

Now there are many other examples that I could give you as to why my fascination with the supernatural occurred from a young age, but I don't feel like typing a 2000 page book. This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my supernatural education.



Nicole and I (normal) during our Simmons heydays

 As you can see I'm not a bandwagon(er) when it comes to zombie paraphernalia. I just don't discuss it unless you're one of my close friends because then you would most likely think I was nuts. I know this for a fact because Nicole, my roommate at Simmons, and I would play a zombie game on the T all the time. When we were bored we would play, "What are your personal strategies on surviving a zombie attack at X location". The side-eyes we would get from fellow commuters behind their Boston Globes and Wall Street Journals, couldn't be more blatant. It was a fun game to pass the time and a good way to get some nice strategy tips from a different perspective.



Nicole and I zombified at Simmons



Finally, here are some tips for survival:

• First read The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks this book gives awesome advice and strategy for practically any situation
• Next watch as many zombie movies as you can for research
• Start with George Romero's films,then start watching the more current genre
• Don't be a snob about zombie movies watch the terrible ones as well because there might be some hidden nugget of information that could really help you
• You need to be prepared for slow and fast zombies
• I know zombies have to be slow because they're dead, but they can also not be dead and just infected with rage like 28 Days later
• Don't argue with me about the stupidity of this theory just be prepared for either type who knows what type of zombies you might face
• Study this map of the dead enter numerous possible locations
• Talk to close or creative friends, that won't judge you,  about zombie attack strategies different perspectives are awesome and helpful. Everyone has different thought processes and you might find out something that never even occurred you
• Get in shape, that's the primary reason I'm losing weight I need to be able to run fast and for a long time
• Practice climbing because you know that is something that you'll have to do
• Learn basic survival strategies like building fires with no matches, purifying water, building shelter etc.




Beco Baby Carrier


• If you have a small child like I do invest in a comfortable sling: DO NOT GET THE BABY BJORN. There is no way in hell you would be able to carry your child because your back would kill you. Get this: Beco Baby Carrier Gemini instead
• I want to talk more about this baby carrier because I'm a mom and it's important. I don't want Logan to get eaten. This carrier can be used 4 ways and Dad's can wear it comfortably too.I honestly could carry Logan for 8 hours or more. My back has never hurt once with this carrier and Logan loves it. He falls asleep in it a lot so that's good, plus I'll never lose him
• Learn the basics of how to use a gun or marry someone who can handle it. I hate guns and don't ever want to be near them, but I do need to learn how to take the safety off
• You don't necessarily have to be married either, but make sure this is someone who actually loves you. Not someone you think loves you, but you're not sure because you don't want to be single. They need to have a vested interest in you
• Learn how to use a motorcycle or again be married to someone who can use one. Fastest vehicle in a zombie attack and great on gas
• Next train your body to survive on small amounts of food because you know how scarce food will be and sometimes you can only carry a little bit with you
• Always have a source of clean water, remember how important that was in the Hunger Games? Water is essential for survival!!



Zombie proof home



Those are just some basic tips that I think are the most important to share. I really do recommend researching the genre because a lot of movies are great "What Not to do Blueprints". Ultimately I would love to be able to afford this home:

What it looks like when the walls are up

It's a fantastic house. Click on the link to get the more in depth article of the zombie proofing benefits of this house.

This would also eliminate moving from place to place and would work as a nice fortress. Another great place to be would be a castle because they were the original fortresses against attacks especially if there's a moat. If you have time you could fill the moat with alligators that would be a super awesome line of defense. Clearly this is only an option in Europe since we don't have too many castles in America. I wouldn't try the ones at Disney because those would be crawling with zombies. Prisons are also great, being on a boat would work because zombies can't swim, somewhere cold because zombies would have a hard time surviving those conditions, and there are a lot of other places as well just use your common sense and imagination.

I hope that I've shown you some wonderful resources because God knows we need to prepare for the upcoming December 21st, 2012 apocalypse. Since I have a small child, I hope that those of you with small children find some of these parenting tips helpful because protecting your child is always the top priority.

*UPDATE*

I just found this  zombie preparedness guide that was put together by the CDC. Lets forget how horribly the CDC failed Rick & Co. during the Walking Dead and take a gander at this wonderful information. I have to say I'm pretty impressed that the CDC actually took the time to do this. First of all who knew that the Centers for Disease Control would actually have a sense of humor. It kinda does freak me out a little bit though because they are not known for their satire so does that really mean this is real? It's interesting that according to their website: Dr. Ali Khan, notes, "If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack." So please log on, get a kit, make a plan, and be prepared! Sure...let us pretend that you're just getting us ready for any pending natural/unnatural disaster. Now, I really am starting to get a little edgy.

*Disclaimer this was written completely in satire

**No it wasn't take it seriously to save yourself and family

***Just kidding don't call social services on me to have me committed and Logan taken away

****I'm just being cautious with my disclaimer, but you really should take this seriously it could help you!!

***** Am I joking or not? ;)