To cloth diaper or to not cloth diaper that is the question...

Logan rocking the Blueberry all in one

In the first two months of Logan's life we went through 720 diapers. He was that baby who would make a fuss anytime a drop of pee hit his diaper. I realized how much waste was going into our environment and landfills. I decided to go cloth.
Once you tell people you're going cloth they look at you as if you said, "I'm going to murder my baby now. Care to join?"


My husband on the other hand was not as enthused as I was. His complaints were:

• Oh, it's going to be harder
• His poop is going to get on our clothes, on our washing machine, on our walls etc.
• It's going to make the house smell
• How am I going to learn how to fold it
• I'll never remember how to fold it even if I learn

Blueberry all in one diaper with bamboo inserts

There were more, but I can't think of them now. Finally, I explained how much cheaper cloth diapers were (factoring in the cost of water and electricity) compared to disposable ones and being the cheapskate that he is, he agreed in a hot minute. Now that I had him convinced I had to figure out all the intricacies involved in cloth diapering. Researching cloth diapers was probably the hardest part about converting to cloth. After days of reading I was ready to buy a puppy pee pad and let Logan just do his business on that. 

3 settings to go from birth to toddler

I had heard about a store in Warwick, RI that sold cloth diapers. I had actually bought one from their website for a friend's shower. I decided to check it out and get some help sifting through the information. The minute I walked into Bellani I was in cloth diapering heaven. A sales associate immediately asked me if I needed help (I later found out it was Kelly the owner of the store). I told her about our decision to cloth and asked her what should I do. I wanted to learn how to fold the diaper for a boy because that's what Logan is.

We went over to the cloth diapering section and went over the different types, prefolds/covers, all in one, hybrids, pocket diapers, willy nilly, boop boops...that's what it started to sound like after awhile.



Logan with the Blueberry cow print

She suggested that I get two different kinds an all in one pocket diaper and prefolds/cover/snappi to try out for a week to see what the best fit for our family would be. She recommended Blueberry diapers for the all in one pocket diaper.
All in one pocket diapers are diapers that are supposed to fit from infant hood to toddler hood. The fabric that touches the child is usually a water wicking fabric that absorbs moisture into inserts that you stuff into the diaper.

I am a huge fan of Blueberry all in one pocket diapers. The diapers that I have are a little different than the ones that they currently sell. I have the One size deluxe pocket diaper, but mine came with bamboo inserts at the time. Now they come with micro terry cloth inserts. These work just as well as bamboo. The Rumparooz diaper that I use has micro terry inserts. You can upgrade to the bamboo inserts for a fee on the website. They are a little expensive, but they last long. I am using them three years later on Atticus. They're made in America which is a huge plus for me. They also contain poop and pee just as well as a good disposable diaper. Blueberries are a great night time diaper. When I finally got the hang of cloth diapering; I used the Blueberries as a night time diaper and prefolds as the day time diaper.

Rumparooz with cloth inserts

The other all in one pocket diaper I use is the Rumparooz brand. I liked the prints and it was little cheaper than the Blueberries. They work almost as well as the Blueberries. The Rumparooz would not last overnight like the Blueberries do. Obviously this would be a negative. Logan would usually not sleep through the night. He would come into our room smelling like pee at 3am; as if he was coming home from a night of drunken debauchery.

The biggest differences between Blueberries and Rumparooz are that they are made in China and they are a little smaller. The Blueberries fit on Logan as a toddler. The Rumparooz looked like a thong on him. Logan isn't a very big child so if you have chubbier kid forget using the Rumaprooz till toddler(hood).

However, the Rumparooz are a little sleeker than the Blueberries. They don't give your child the huge junk in the trunk booty that cloth diapers usually do. Rumparooz fit better under clothes. The Blueberries make it a little harder to snap those onesies. Logan was a slim baby so he could still fit in his clothes. If your kid is average or chubby then you might want to stick to Rumparooz so that they can fit into their clothes.

One thing I want to mention is I prefer snaps than the hook and loop closure for diapers. Hook and loop is basically using Velcro to hold the diaper in place. I don't like Velcro for the following reasons:

• In the dryer different pieces of fabric get caught into it
• They lose their effectiveness after awhile (not as Velcro-y)
• They warp after awhile when you put them in the dryer

Prefolds/Snappi/Blueberry Coverall/Blueberry Soaker Hugger

 

My during the day diaper is a prefold method. Prefolds can either be Indian or Chinese cloth. You can



Prefold and Snappi

either use a Snappi (replaced safety pins) or a Soaker Hugger to insert into a coverall. I find this the cheapest way to cloth diaper. You buy about 2 dozen prefolds and that gets you through 2 days. I bought about 7 coveralls. When you use the Snappi method; you fold the diaper and then place the coverall over the diaper. If you use the Soaker Hugger method you insert the prefolds into the Soaker Hugger. You then lay the Soaker Hugger into the coverall (like a maxi pad) and snap it onto the baby.



The Snappi method is best on babies. When babies poop it explodes, as many parents have witnessed. When you fold the diaper and use the cover it contains poop a little easier. The Blueberry covers are awesome at containing baby explosions into the diaper. I've noticed that when you use disposables there is a tendency for the poop to go up the baby's back. This has never happened when I use a Blueberry coverall. The Blueberry coverall is a force field of poop containment, even for those huge poop explosions.

Prefold/Snappi under a Blueberry Coverall

The Soaker Hugger method is the best on toddlers. Toddlers are always on the go, this method is a little quicker and easier than the Snappi method. What I do is make sure I have everything ready to go before I change diaper. Then I just wipe my kid and pop a diaper onto them. This method was the easiest way to change Logan once he started walking/running. It's hard to fold a diaper onto a kid when they're squirming. By using the soaker it was a one step method  getting him into it.



The other type of cloth diaper that I use is the hybrid cloth diaper. A hybrid a cloth diaper is one that can use fabric liners or disposable liners. The most popular one I know of are Gdiapers. The only reason I didn't use this brand was that I liked the Grovia prints better.

Grovia Hybrid

I use the hybrids for travelling or vacations. Instead of carting around a bag full of poop and pee, you can throw away the liner. Most liners are biodegradable which is good for our environment. These are great in case you do not have access to washing your diaper on vacation.

Atticus in the Grovia hybrid diaper

Now onto the accessories you need for cloth diapering...

Strawberry Salad: My Secret to Weight Loss

Salads for the week

I love strawberries. The first time I ate strawberry salad was almost 10 years ago. I've wanted to eat it since then, but I couldn't figure out what dressing I should use. I've been trying to lose weight since I gave birth in January. I knew that breastfeeding would help kick start it, but I would need to eat healthy as well. I remembered how much I liked strawberry salad so I started looking for a recipe. I went to one of my favorite websites and found this strawberry salad recipe. She also has salad in a jar recipes that I find a great way to set myself up for the week. Then I have no excuse to be lazy.

Strawberry Salad in a Jar:

Ingredients:

• Strawberries - 32 medium sized 
• Pecans - 2.5 oz.
• Red Onion - 1/4 a cup 
• Cucumber - 1 medium
• Tyson - Grilled & Ready Frozen Chicken Breasts - 2
• Athenos Feta Cheese - Crumbled, 1 Cup
• Baby Spinach - 8 cups 
• Naturally Delicious Light Raspberry Vinaigrette

-205 calories per jar/Dressing 35 calories per tbsp

Instructions:

• Cut the onion and cucumber to edible sizes
• Layer the ingredients into the jar
• I found that putting the "toppings" at the bottom of the jar and the spinach last keeps the salad ingredients fresher. Also when you put it onto a plate to eat it's easier to eat.
• I prefer adding the dressing separately, when I'm ready to eat it as opposed to in the jar. It can be done either way.
• I add only 1 tbsp of dressing and then it's ready to eat!

You is going to get me skinny again!

I ate my Placenta and I'm not a cannibal

When I decided to have a second child, I knew that I was going to eat my placenta. I had read about placenta encapsulation and I decided that I would do it for my second birth. Placenta encapsulation, is the method of taking the placenta and encapsulating it into a pill form. You then ingest the pills and reap tons of benefits. My main reasons for going this route was to avoid PPD and increase milk production.

The Placenta after birth

When you tell people your plans for warding off PPD (post partum depression) by eating your own placenta, you usually get horrified reactions. Then you explain that you're not eating it like a steak dinner, but putting it into a pill. Some people say, yeah that's not too bad, others are still super grossed out. My next question to them is, "What's worse, killing yourself and maybe the baby or eating your placenta?" Usually I get silence after that question. However, I prefer that rather than the judgemental statements. I don't think people really understand the seriousness of PPD. There's a big difference, in the baby blues you get right after you have the baby as opposed to PPD.



Shelley prepping the placenta for encapsulation

After getting PPD with the first baby, I really didn't want to go through it again. Once you have PPD, the recurrence for getting it with your next birth(s) increases. I was already at risk for getting it again. I wanted to stave off the risk.  I didn't take any drugs with Logan because of breastfeeding. I certainly wasn't going to take drugs the second time around. For people who have never had PPD, it's hard for them to grasp how terrible it is. Imagine giving birth to a baby and not really caring. Plus, all the crying and feeling miserable. I hate crying. I wanted to do everything to avoid PPD, in a natural way. Another big reason for doing placenta encapsulation, was for the increase in milk production.

My milk came in after a week of giving birth to Logan, which is a little late. I believe it was due to the c-section and the lack of support I got in the hospital towards breastfeeding.





Look at those veins! Atticus got a lot of nutrients!!

For some reason, I got the pro-formula nurses at Women and Infants. I only had one or two nurses that actually helped teach me how to breastfeed. The other ones kept pushing me towards formula and pretty much forcing me to use it. One nurse told me that I had to stop "controlling the situation" and I would be fine. I wanted to punch her in the face, but I was too depressed.
Whenever I tell people this, they always say their nurses at W&I were pro-breastfeeding. I have no idea why the experience was different for me. Perhaps because I was there for 5 days where most people are there for 2 days? That would increase my chances of getting different nurses.

I finally saw a lactation consultant the day after we got discharged from the hospital. Everything else was taken away from me during the birth. I was determined to at least breastfeed. After seeing the lactation consultant the milk came in and I breastfed easily.


Draining the blood from the placenta

I did not want to go through this again with Atticus. If eating my placenta increased milk production and warded off PPD, then my placenta was going to be eaten.

When we decided to do the home birth, the midwife was going to do the encapsulation. However, she had "weird feelings" about the birth and referred us to Memorial Hospital. After she did that I had to find a placenta encapsulate(r). My doula, Jess Fuss had added me to the RI Home birth page of facebook. It was through there that I found Shelley Harvey. I emailed her to let her know about the upcoming birth. She emailed me, quickly, with the paperwork. I was relieved that I found another placenta encapsulate(r).




Deflated placenta

Before the birth, I told Dr. Magee that I was going to encapsulate my placenta. She said a lot of people take their placentas home at Memorial. I added that notation on my birth plan and made my nurse Ashley aware.

The placenta is stored in a section of the hospital after birth. When you are discharged, then you collect it. Since I was discharged on the weekend, they told the resident that we had to come pick it up on Monday. When you encapsulate the placenta, it needs to be done as quickly as possible. I was freaking out that we would have to wait that long.

The inside of the placenta

The resident said she would talk to Dr. Magee to see what could be done. About 30 minutes later, Dr. Magee came in with the placenta. She said, "I just took it, it's ridiculous that you would have to come back for it." Dr. Magee is bad ass. If you want a doctor that is very patient focused, super smart, and awesome I recommend Dr. Magee.

We called Shelley to tell her when we would be home. She came early the next morning and started the process of encapsulation.



Steaming the placenta with ginger

While she was working on the placenta, Tim and I sat and watched. It was a pretty fascinating process. We had great conversations about child birth with Shelley and learned a lot of new things.

Watching the process of encapsulation, was a great way to understand the choice I made. I can handle a lot of gory things, but I did have some lingering hesitations.

Side note: When my grandpa cut his finger off with an electric table saw, I was the person that went back to get the finger. Afterwards, my Aunt Susan and I were the ones who went back to clean the mess. I didn't want my Aunt Susan to clean the saw blade. I thought it would be too horrific for her because that's her Dad. I thought, since I was his granddaughter, I could disengage myself more easily than she would be able to.  Let's just say the saw blade was not...pretty.



Steamed placenta

Since I was able to handle (un)pretty things, I thought that eating my placenta would be easy. Honestly, the smell of steaming placenta was not pleasant. I kept focusing on the ginger smell to keep my mind off it. Tim, and I joked about how the placenta looked like a side of beef.

I wasn't overjoyed about the aspect of eating the placenta. I was focusing on the positive benefits that I and Atticus would receive. I can understand why people would be disgusted by the thought. However, going through PPD is a lot worse than eating your placenta in a pill format.


Once the placenta is cleaned and steamed, it is put into a dehydrator overnight...similar to how you make beef jerky.

The dehydrator

Shelley came back the next morning to finish the process. When Shelley came back the next morning, I was taking a nap with Atticus. Tim let her in and watched Logan so that I could finally get some sleep.

After the placenta has been dehydrated, it is grounded into powder, then put into pill capsules. Shelley left me a note with instructions. She told Tim that if I was feeling sick, to not ingest any of the pills. Also, that I should only drink water to swallow the pills. This is according to the belief of the Traditional Chinese Method of Encapsulation. Shelley used this method to prepare my placenta for consumption.

The placenta has been encapsulated!
 

I remember telling our pediatrician, Dr. McGonigle, that I had encapsulated the placenta. He was happy that I chose to do that. Then he asked Tim if he had taken any (remember we go to a "hippie" doctor). Before Tim could answer, I said," No way, they're mine!" I did let Tim take some. He said that he felt super energized that day.

I was able to enjoy the benefits of encapsulation. I avoided the baby blues and PPD. Milk production has not been an issue for me. It is a little hard for me to swallow the pills sometimes. They are starting to taste iron(y). I chug them down with water to avoid the taste. I stopped taking them after a month and half. I was feeling awesome. I wanted to save them for really tough days. Then my grandpa passed away on February 27th.

This is the cord shaped into a heart

When my grandpa passed away, I started feeling down again. I am planning to start taking them again soon. I want to make sure the death of my grandpa doesn't give PPD an excuse to come back. It's been rough, emotionally, dealing with his death, the adjustment of having one child, and increasing that number. It is getting easier.

I am glad that I made the decision to encapsulate my placenta. It has really helped me recover from childbirth. If I ever get pregnant again, I will not hesitate to encapsulate that placenta.

Natural VBAC Birth Story

I'm finally getting a chance to write Atticus' birth story! I'm not sure now long it will take me to finish, but we'll see. The birth of Atticus was so different compared to the birth of Logan. The biggest difference being that Atticus was a vbac. A vbac is a vaginal birth after cesarean. It doesn't necessarily have to be drug free, but I wanted it to be because of what happened with Logan. I really think that getting the epidural at 9cm stalled my labor and left me "stuck" at that dilation.



Atticus and I bonding

When I was pregnant with Atticus we were currently living in Georgia. I found a midwife office and hospital that would allow vbac water births. In August of 2012 we moved back to Rhode Island and I had to come up with a plan b. Tim found a home birth midwife that would accept vbacs. I was scared, but ecstatic that I could have a water birth. Then 4 weeks before my due date, the midwife called Tim and told him that she had a weird feeling about the birth. She didn't go into specifics, but said that we should go to Memorial Hospital to have the birth. I was pissed.

She referred us to Dr. Magee, who kindly took us on as late patients. Dr. Magee is an awesome doctor! I felt comfortable within minutes of meeting with her. A week later, I found out I had gestational diabetes. It seemed like a 2nd csection was inevitable.

However, Dr. Magee assured me that we would try to avoid a csection. I ended up being able to control the gestational diabetes through diet. I didn't have to take medication. Dr. Magee was also hoping that I would go earlier or closer to my due date. When you have gestational diabetes, they don't want you to go pass your due date because the baby will be "too big". I was too, like every pregnant woman in her last month of pregnancy.

During one of our last appointments before I gave birth, she recommended doing the evening primrose oil method of natural induction. This doesn't automatically pop a baby out, it just helps to soften your cervix. I ordered a bottle from Amazon and received it on January 30th. I followed the instructions and went to bed.

At 4:30 am, on January 31st, I got up to use the bathroom. When I stood up, I felt a little trickle of liquid and I assumed I peed myself. When I went back to bed, I noticed that I was having contractions. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for about a month so I wasn't too worried. I went back to sleep and woke up around 6:00am, when Tim was getting ready for work. I noticed that I was still having contractions. These contractions were actually noticeable this time as well. My prior contractions weren't painful so I didn't know they were contractions. These weren't super intense, but I actually felt them. I started timing my contractions on my iPhone at 7:56am. At this point they were happening every 5-6 minutes.



Extremely tired after birth and Atticus is already eating!

I called my doula Jess and she thought it sounded like labor. Since I originally wanted a home birth, she advised me to try to labor as long as possible at home. I called the hospital and they thought it sounded like labor as well. They advised me to come in. I called Tim and told him to come home. He got home around 11am. In the mean time, I was calling family members to see who could watch Logan. My aunt Susan wasn't able to watch him till about 3pm. I sat on a birthing ball, leaned forward onto the bed, to make sure the baby was facing my back. I didn't want another sunny side up baby.

I asked Tim to get me some spicy Chinese food and it was so freaking hot my mouth was on fire. Tim did laundry. I packed the last remaining items I needed for the hospital. I wasn't sure I was even in labor because my contractions were not painful at all. We dropped Logan off next door and we got to the hospital around 4pm.

When we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to the monitor to see if I was having contractions. They were still about 5-6 minutes apart. However, they would sometimes be 7-8 minutes or even 10 minutes. The resident checked me to see if I had broken my water. The test came back unverified. We got a great nurse Ashley who made sure we were comfortable. We basically sat and waited. Everyone was pretty sure I wasn't in labor because I was not in any pain whatsoever. My doula Jess asked if I needed her yet. I told her not to bother till we found out if I was in labor yet. Tim and I ate dinner and watched TV. We listened to the other laboring women scream and moan outside the door.

Then Dr. Magee came in, she was going to check to see if I was dilated and how far along I was before releasing me. She was pretty sure I wasn't in labor yet because of my demeanor. I told her for Logan it didn't hurt till 7cm. She checked me and that's when she found out that I was 5cm already. Apparently, I was in labor. Dr. Magee joked that I better not tell the other women how far along I was. They were all admitted before me and not as far as I was. Also, they were all having harder and more painful contractions. The lady in the next room screaming was only 4cm.

Dr. Magee wanted my contractions to be closer together in order to avoid the pitocin. We did the natural nipple stimulation to get get my contractions more regular. That worked to a point...no pun intended.

The electrode in Atticus' scalp

In the meantime, my nurse Ashley was trying to get the mobile monitor to work in order for me to walk. This would help my contractions and I could avoid pitocin. For some reason it wouldn't work and we decided to do the internal fetal monitoring. In order to have a vbac, I had to agree to continuous monitoring. It was hospital policy. If I wanted a vbac it was something that I had to put up with.

With internal monitoring an electrode with a tiny spiral wire on the end is inserted through your cervix and screwed into the surface of your baby's scalp. When the electrode was placed into Atticus' head another bag of water broke.

After that was done I walked around the labor & delivery floor and the recovery wing as well. I remember it being really hot that day because of the weather. My l&d room was boiling. The windows were open in the recovery wing and it was awesome to feel the breeze from outside.

During the walk my contractions were getting stronger by the minute. I remember telling my husband that we should have called Jess earlier. When we walked to the nurses' station a contraction hit me so bad, I had to lean over the desk. Tim told me that one of the doctors threw their clipboard down to help hold my back. I kept walking and doubling over in pain when the contraction would hit. I told Tim to call Jess. She arrived quickly and we decided to head back to the room. My contractions were getting so strong that I couldn't stand up anymore.

So red!

We decided that I should sit on a birthing ball and lean over the hospital bed. We wanted to make sure that this baby would not be sunny side up. Dr. Magee decided to check me to see how far along I was. I was at 6cms.

I was so disappointed. I couldn't believe that I had only progressed 1 cm in what felt like 3 hours. In reality it was probably 20 minutes. I had to go to the bathroom.

When I got to the bathroom the pain was excruciating. I called out to Tim and he came in. I started having flashbacks to Logan's birth, when I cried in the bathroom because of the pain. I didn't really cry this time, but I was telling Tim that I wasn't sure how much longer I could do this drug free.

I came back into the room and started telling Jess, Dr. Magee, and Ashley that I needed the epidural. They kept telling me that I could do this and Jess was telling me to give into the pain. They were all very encouraging, but at that point I felt done. It was 10:00ish at night and I had been laboring since 4:30am.

Jess held my back and hips while I was on the birthing ball to ease the contractions. She had Tim try to do it. I told him to go away since it didn't help. She came back and sat behind me. In between contractions I was begging for the epidural. Dr. Magee said that the anesthesiologist was coming they just had to set up the bolus in my hand. I found out later that they were all pretending that the anesthesiologist was coming. They knew that I wanted a natural birth and they were stalling.

I told Dr. Magee that labor this time around was a lot harder than it was with Logan. With Logan's birth the pain wasn't bad till I got to 9cms. The second time around it felt like the pain was worse and coming quicker. I didn't even think about the epidural till I was at 9cms with Logan. The pain was manageable.This time around I was begging for it. Jess kept reminding me that I wanted a natural birth, that I wanted to avoid the csection. I told her that I didn't care, that I just couldn't do this. She told me to moan the pain out, at that point I just had to hold it all in.  I kept wondering where the hell the anesthesiologist was. Why was he taking so damn long?



Atticus Finn is here!

Then my body involuntarily shot back and Jess caught me so that I wouldn't fall off the birthing ball. I grabbed Ashley's arm and I told Dr. Magee that I was pushing no matter how dilated I was. I felt the most insane pressure to push. I couldn't stop the urge to push no matter what. Dr. Magee decided to check me to see how far along I was. I was at 10 cms.

I had progressed from 6cms to 10cms in about 20 minutes. That's why it was so painful and worse than the first time around. I thought the second birth would be easy because I handled 9cms, on pitocin last time. Pitocin makes your contractions stronger and more painful. However, last time I didn't dilate 4 cms in 20 minutes. It's nice that it goes by quickly, but the quicker it is, the more painful.

Dr. Magee tried to deliver the baby on the birthing ball, but she didn't have enough room. She asked me to hop on the bed. I said absolutely not. Then, I got a quick break in contractions and jumped on the bed in one second. Doctors and nurses started running into the room with equipment.

Then it was time to push...

Logan is petting him like a dog

I have heard of women pushing for hours. I was in so much pain, that I told myself that this was going to be fast. I was screaming louder than I had ever screamed before. Jess and Dr. Magee told me to focus it on the pushing/moaning because high pitched screaming wouldn't help. While the screaming made me feel better, focusing on the pushing does help. I had asked for no guidance  in pushing and to just let me push when I wanted to. They agreed to my wishes and let me push when I felt the need. Then I started pushing and the baby was almost there. I pushed again and he crowned. I finally got to experience what people call the ring of fire. It felt like someone lit a match and threw it onto my vagina. I started pushing harder so that I could get rid of that pain.

Finally, they held up the baby and I saw that it was a boy. Atticus arrived at 11:07pm. I only pushed for 15 minutes. He was ready to be here and I was ready to get him out.

Atticus was immediately given to me all gross and new baby like. He started breastfeeding immediately since he's a fatty :) Tim was able to cut the cord.


First kiss from his big brother!

Natural birth was physically one of the most painful experiences of my life thus far. I'm not going to lie. I can't even describe what the pain of a contraction feels like. The pain from Logan was definitely easier to manage because I dilated a lot slower.

However, the recovery from this, as opposed to the csection, was a million times better. The recovery from the csection was horrible compared to the recovery of natural birth. I would pick natural childbirth over a csection any day.



I was happy that I finally got my natural birth that I had wanted when I first got pregnant with Logan. I am grateful that Dr. Magee, my nurse Ashley, and my doula Jess helped me achieve that goal.

Cesarean Birth Story

It's been almost three weeks since I gave birth to my second baby Atticus Finn. The birth of my second child is a complete 180 compared to the birth of Logan. I'm going to share both experiences for those contemplating a natural drug free birth and for those that are going to have a cesarean/c-section.

Logan

When I was pregnant with my Logan I was wafting between getting an epidural or avoiding one. At the time I met my friend Keri at work and she was also pregnant. She wanted a completely natural zero intervention birth. She recommended that I watch "The Business of Being Born" to gather more information. Tim and I watched it; our opinion of child birth changed. I decided that I wanted to have a natural child birth.

I started reading more books to prepare myself. I read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and Birthing from Within. I rewatched "The Business of Being Born" to gear myself for the upcoming birth. I also watched a Baby Story on TLC and was enraged by a lot of what was happening during these births. I didn't want the pitocin, epidural, c-section cycle that most hospitals seemed to recommend.

I switched over to a midwife/obgyn practice so that I could have a midwife and a better chance at a natural birth.

To show how crazy it's been with 2 kids it's been almost 2 more weeks since I wrote the above paragraphs. Between making sure the toddler doesn't do something nuts and having the baby attached to the boob it's been busy. So to continue where I left off...

With Logan's birth, after switching to a midwife group I was determined to have a natural birth. In the book Birthing from Within they recommend holding an ice cube in your hand and try different coping mechanisms. The pain of child birth is nothing like holding an ice cube, but the point of the exercise is to find a coping mechanism to deal with discomfort. You were supposed to hold the ice cube for 30 seconds to 1 minute at a time and find a coping mechanism.

I would hold on to that ice cube for 10 minutes thinking, "I got this".



See the cut on his face?

I was amped that I would be able to handle natural childbirth. Then Logan's due date came around, but no Logan. A week and 6 days later the midwive's told me I had low amniotic fluid and I needed to be induced. That was a downer. I had a feeling I was going to fall into the pit, epi, csection cycle. I later found out that low amniotic fluid is a myth.

On March 8th, straight from my appointment, they told me to check into the hospital immediately. They would use cervadil to soften the cervix. I was given a sleeping pill because the next day would be really hard. Yeah that sleeping pill was useless.

The next day around 5 am I called my doula Jessica Fuss and we started trying to induce labor naturally. I started walking laps around the hospital floor. My midwife on call was willing to let me delay the pitocin for an hour to get natural labor started. It didn't work so we went to the l&d floor. At Women & Infants they have an ABC unit. Which is the alternative birthing unit for people who want a "natural hospital" birth. I had planned to go there, but because I was getting induced I couldn't. They were nice enough to give a huge room with my own shower to mimic the ABC.

I had a fantastic nurse who took my birth plan and wasn't offended. She tried to fulfill my wishes, but things just didn't go my way.

I had to have continuous monitoring because when they first put the monitor on me, Logan's heart rate dipped. The problem with that, was his heart rate could only be read if I was lying flat on my back. That was fine for the first 6cm of dilation however, once I got to 7cm it was hard to just lay on my back and not move. Have you ever tried to labor naturally without moving? Not that easy.

I kept having to get up to pee and they had to keep readjusting the monitor. I threw up a couple of times. I started shaking like I was having seizures. It basically sucked.

So finally after hours of pain and not being able to move I got the epidural at 9cms. I fell asleep for a little bit and stopped progressing. Logan was sunny side up and my cervix was anterior. Then I started feeling enormous pressure and the epidural was useless at that point.

Finally they decided that I should get the csection. I was so upset and defeated at that point. Everything on my birth plan was completely wasted. The only thing I got to do was wear my own nightgown during the surgery. Yippee.

I remember thinking, "This is like a really shitty episode of Grey's Anatomy, I better not fucking die." I was shaking the whole way down to the operating room where they wheeled me in. Tons of people were in the room already, but I requested that only people that needed to be in there were in there. I said no to students. I was already pissed about getting a csection. I didn't feel like having students view my innards.

Tim came in and he was worried that I was having seizures because I was convulsing on the table. The anesthesiologist assured him that that was normal. My arms felt dead and they were strapped down. The lights were super bright and I could only stare at the ceiling. Tim kept trying to talk to me, but I just tuned him out. I think the depression was already setting in. I already felt like a huge failure because I couldn't birth the way that I had imagined.

When they brought Logan over the cloth wall to my face to see him, I really didn't care at that point. I do remember telling Tim to get away from me and to stay with Logan. Every time Tim hovered over me, I told him to go away and focus on Logan.

Finally, they took Logan to the room and I told Tim to go with them. I stayed behind to get my organs put into place and stitched up.

Logan meeting Daddy for the first time

When we were in the recovery room Tim was arguing with the nurse about putting erythromycin in Logan's eyes. Another thing on my birth plan that the new nurse ignored. Then they kept trying to get me to hold Logan. I was nervous because my arms still felt dead and I didn't want to drop him. I also didn't really have any interest in holding him.

It wasn't until we moved up to the recovery floor that I noticed the big cut on Logan's face. Tim was trying to keep it quiet so that I wouldn't be more upset. During the csection his cheek was cut open by the scalpel. Our nurse kept downplaying it, but my midwife finally stepped in and said he needed stitches. The plastic surgeon came in and put stitches in his face. She told us that he was the youngest patient she ever worked on...he was 3 hours old at that time.

Being Stalked by a Famous Person

Sophmore Year

Senior Year

I remember when I was in high school the show Popular was on the air. Classmates would come up to me and say, "Hey there's a girl with almost your name on the show Popular." I would of course ask what her name was and they would say Lily Esposito. My maiden name is Lilia Esposito, not that common of name. I thought it was weird because if my name were Jane Smith it wouldn't be surprising if someone had a similar name to me on a t.v. show. I never watched the show and kind of forgot about it.


"Lily Esposito" from Popular

Fast forward to 10 years later and the show Glee aired. I started watching it and heard that the creator of Glee was Ryan Murphy. My husband found that hysterical because his brother's name is Ryan Murphy. Every time the subject of Glee comes up my husband is always telling people, "My brother is the creator of that show, ha ha ha!" To him the joke never gets old.

Glee

Obviously the show Glee is popular and you start learning more about the creator of Glee. I've seen him interviewed on t.v. and I watch Glee. It wasn't until his kid was born that I realized that somehow Ryan Murphy is stalking me.

I woke up one morning and I read an article that stated that Ryan Murphy's son was born. As I was reading the article I noticed that he had named his son Logan Phineas Miller Murphy! Um, my son's name is Logan Murphy! What the hell Ryan Murphy!!! I mean clearly there are other Logan Murphy's in the world because Murphy is a very common last name. Logan is also becoming a very popular first name.

Ryan Murphy's Logan

My Logan

Now here's the final piece to make me realize that Ryan Murphy is indeed my celebrity stalker. The day that I read the article about Ryan Murphy's son it reminded me about the show Popular. I started wondering who the creator of the show was because I wanted to see if there was a reason for the Lily Esposito name. I was shocked to see that Ryan Murphy was one of the creators of Popular!!! So what's the deal Ryan Murphy why are you obsessed with me??

Obviously, I don't think Ryan Murphy is stalking me, we have never lived in the same states or have ever crossed paths. I just find the parallel names thing a funny coincidence. The Lily Esposito thing is funny because Lily or Lilia Esposito are not common names. I'm just wondering how that name came about in the drawing room. The Logan Murphys thing is not surprising because I think with the popularity of Logan rising there will be more Logan Murphys out there. I do hope that one day I can meet Ryan Murphy and ask him why he's obsessed with me ;)