Natural VBAC Birth Story

I'm finally getting a chance to write Atticus' birth story! I'm not sure now long it will take me to finish, but we'll see. The birth of Atticus was so different compared to the birth of Logan. The biggest difference being that Atticus was a vbac. A vbac is a vaginal birth after cesarean. It doesn't necessarily have to be drug free, but I wanted it to be because of what happened with Logan. I really think that getting the epidural at 9cm stalled my labor and left me "stuck" at that dilation.



Atticus and I bonding

When I was pregnant with Atticus we were currently living in Georgia. I found a midwife office and hospital that would allow vbac water births. In August of 2012 we moved back to Rhode Island and I had to come up with a plan b. Tim found a home birth midwife that would accept vbacs. I was scared, but ecstatic that I could have a water birth. Then 4 weeks before my due date, the midwife called Tim and told him that she had a weird feeling about the birth. She didn't go into specifics, but said that we should go to Memorial Hospital to have the birth. I was pissed.

She referred us to Dr. Magee, who kindly took us on as late patients. Dr. Magee is an awesome doctor! I felt comfortable within minutes of meeting with her. A week later, I found out I had gestational diabetes. It seemed like a 2nd csection was inevitable.

However, Dr. Magee assured me that we would try to avoid a csection. I ended up being able to control the gestational diabetes through diet. I didn't have to take medication. Dr. Magee was also hoping that I would go earlier or closer to my due date. When you have gestational diabetes, they don't want you to go pass your due date because the baby will be "too big". I was too, like every pregnant woman in her last month of pregnancy.

During one of our last appointments before I gave birth, she recommended doing the evening primrose oil method of natural induction. This doesn't automatically pop a baby out, it just helps to soften your cervix. I ordered a bottle from Amazon and received it on January 30th. I followed the instructions and went to bed.

At 4:30 am, on January 31st, I got up to use the bathroom. When I stood up, I felt a little trickle of liquid and I assumed I peed myself. When I went back to bed, I noticed that I was having contractions. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for about a month so I wasn't too worried. I went back to sleep and woke up around 6:00am, when Tim was getting ready for work. I noticed that I was still having contractions. These contractions were actually noticeable this time as well. My prior contractions weren't painful so I didn't know they were contractions. These weren't super intense, but I actually felt them. I started timing my contractions on my iPhone at 7:56am. At this point they were happening every 5-6 minutes.



Extremely tired after birth and Atticus is already eating!

I called my doula Jess and she thought it sounded like labor. Since I originally wanted a home birth, she advised me to try to labor as long as possible at home. I called the hospital and they thought it sounded like labor as well. They advised me to come in. I called Tim and told him to come home. He got home around 11am. In the mean time, I was calling family members to see who could watch Logan. My aunt Susan wasn't able to watch him till about 3pm. I sat on a birthing ball, leaned forward onto the bed, to make sure the baby was facing my back. I didn't want another sunny side up baby.

I asked Tim to get me some spicy Chinese food and it was so freaking hot my mouth was on fire. Tim did laundry. I packed the last remaining items I needed for the hospital. I wasn't sure I was even in labor because my contractions were not painful at all. We dropped Logan off next door and we got to the hospital around 4pm.

When we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to the monitor to see if I was having contractions. They were still about 5-6 minutes apart. However, they would sometimes be 7-8 minutes or even 10 minutes. The resident checked me to see if I had broken my water. The test came back unverified. We got a great nurse Ashley who made sure we were comfortable. We basically sat and waited. Everyone was pretty sure I wasn't in labor because I was not in any pain whatsoever. My doula Jess asked if I needed her yet. I told her not to bother till we found out if I was in labor yet. Tim and I ate dinner and watched TV. We listened to the other laboring women scream and moan outside the door.

Then Dr. Magee came in, she was going to check to see if I was dilated and how far along I was before releasing me. She was pretty sure I wasn't in labor yet because of my demeanor. I told her for Logan it didn't hurt till 7cm. She checked me and that's when she found out that I was 5cm already. Apparently, I was in labor. Dr. Magee joked that I better not tell the other women how far along I was. They were all admitted before me and not as far as I was. Also, they were all having harder and more painful contractions. The lady in the next room screaming was only 4cm.

Dr. Magee wanted my contractions to be closer together in order to avoid the pitocin. We did the natural nipple stimulation to get get my contractions more regular. That worked to a point...no pun intended.

The electrode in Atticus' scalp

In the meantime, my nurse Ashley was trying to get the mobile monitor to work in order for me to walk. This would help my contractions and I could avoid pitocin. For some reason it wouldn't work and we decided to do the internal fetal monitoring. In order to have a vbac, I had to agree to continuous monitoring. It was hospital policy. If I wanted a vbac it was something that I had to put up with.

With internal monitoring an electrode with a tiny spiral wire on the end is inserted through your cervix and screwed into the surface of your baby's scalp. When the electrode was placed into Atticus' head another bag of water broke.

After that was done I walked around the labor & delivery floor and the recovery wing as well. I remember it being really hot that day because of the weather. My l&d room was boiling. The windows were open in the recovery wing and it was awesome to feel the breeze from outside.

During the walk my contractions were getting stronger by the minute. I remember telling my husband that we should have called Jess earlier. When we walked to the nurses' station a contraction hit me so bad, I had to lean over the desk. Tim told me that one of the doctors threw their clipboard down to help hold my back. I kept walking and doubling over in pain when the contraction would hit. I told Tim to call Jess. She arrived quickly and we decided to head back to the room. My contractions were getting so strong that I couldn't stand up anymore.

So red!

We decided that I should sit on a birthing ball and lean over the hospital bed. We wanted to make sure that this baby would not be sunny side up. Dr. Magee decided to check me to see how far along I was. I was at 6cms.

I was so disappointed. I couldn't believe that I had only progressed 1 cm in what felt like 3 hours. In reality it was probably 20 minutes. I had to go to the bathroom.

When I got to the bathroom the pain was excruciating. I called out to Tim and he came in. I started having flashbacks to Logan's birth, when I cried in the bathroom because of the pain. I didn't really cry this time, but I was telling Tim that I wasn't sure how much longer I could do this drug free.

I came back into the room and started telling Jess, Dr. Magee, and Ashley that I needed the epidural. They kept telling me that I could do this and Jess was telling me to give into the pain. They were all very encouraging, but at that point I felt done. It was 10:00ish at night and I had been laboring since 4:30am.

Jess held my back and hips while I was on the birthing ball to ease the contractions. She had Tim try to do it. I told him to go away since it didn't help. She came back and sat behind me. In between contractions I was begging for the epidural. Dr. Magee said that the anesthesiologist was coming they just had to set up the bolus in my hand. I found out later that they were all pretending that the anesthesiologist was coming. They knew that I wanted a natural birth and they were stalling.

I told Dr. Magee that labor this time around was a lot harder than it was with Logan. With Logan's birth the pain wasn't bad till I got to 9cms. The second time around it felt like the pain was worse and coming quicker. I didn't even think about the epidural till I was at 9cms with Logan. The pain was manageable.This time around I was begging for it. Jess kept reminding me that I wanted a natural birth, that I wanted to avoid the csection. I told her that I didn't care, that I just couldn't do this. She told me to moan the pain out, at that point I just had to hold it all in.  I kept wondering where the hell the anesthesiologist was. Why was he taking so damn long?



Atticus Finn is here!

Then my body involuntarily shot back and Jess caught me so that I wouldn't fall off the birthing ball. I grabbed Ashley's arm and I told Dr. Magee that I was pushing no matter how dilated I was. I felt the most insane pressure to push. I couldn't stop the urge to push no matter what. Dr. Magee decided to check me to see how far along I was. I was at 10 cms.

I had progressed from 6cms to 10cms in about 20 minutes. That's why it was so painful and worse than the first time around. I thought the second birth would be easy because I handled 9cms, on pitocin last time. Pitocin makes your contractions stronger and more painful. However, last time I didn't dilate 4 cms in 20 minutes. It's nice that it goes by quickly, but the quicker it is, the more painful.

Dr. Magee tried to deliver the baby on the birthing ball, but she didn't have enough room. She asked me to hop on the bed. I said absolutely not. Then, I got a quick break in contractions and jumped on the bed in one second. Doctors and nurses started running into the room with equipment.

Then it was time to push...

Logan is petting him like a dog

I have heard of women pushing for hours. I was in so much pain, that I told myself that this was going to be fast. I was screaming louder than I had ever screamed before. Jess and Dr. Magee told me to focus it on the pushing/moaning because high pitched screaming wouldn't help. While the screaming made me feel better, focusing on the pushing does help. I had asked for no guidance  in pushing and to just let me push when I wanted to. They agreed to my wishes and let me push when I felt the need. Then I started pushing and the baby was almost there. I pushed again and he crowned. I finally got to experience what people call the ring of fire. It felt like someone lit a match and threw it onto my vagina. I started pushing harder so that I could get rid of that pain.

Finally, they held up the baby and I saw that it was a boy. Atticus arrived at 11:07pm. I only pushed for 15 minutes. He was ready to be here and I was ready to get him out.

Atticus was immediately given to me all gross and new baby like. He started breastfeeding immediately since he's a fatty :) Tim was able to cut the cord.


First kiss from his big brother!

Natural birth was physically one of the most painful experiences of my life thus far. I'm not going to lie. I can't even describe what the pain of a contraction feels like. The pain from Logan was definitely easier to manage because I dilated a lot slower.

However, the recovery from this, as opposed to the csection, was a million times better. The recovery from the csection was horrible compared to the recovery of natural birth. I would pick natural childbirth over a csection any day.



I was happy that I finally got my natural birth that I had wanted when I first got pregnant with Logan. I am grateful that Dr. Magee, my nurse Ashley, and my doula Jess helped me achieve that goal.

Cesarean Birth Story

It's been almost three weeks since I gave birth to my second baby Atticus Finn. The birth of my second child is a complete 180 compared to the birth of Logan. I'm going to share both experiences for those contemplating a natural drug free birth and for those that are going to have a cesarean/c-section.

Logan

When I was pregnant with my Logan I was wafting between getting an epidural or avoiding one. At the time I met my friend Keri at work and she was also pregnant. She wanted a completely natural zero intervention birth. She recommended that I watch "The Business of Being Born" to gather more information. Tim and I watched it; our opinion of child birth changed. I decided that I wanted to have a natural child birth.

I started reading more books to prepare myself. I read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and Birthing from Within. I rewatched "The Business of Being Born" to gear myself for the upcoming birth. I also watched a Baby Story on TLC and was enraged by a lot of what was happening during these births. I didn't want the pitocin, epidural, c-section cycle that most hospitals seemed to recommend.

I switched over to a midwife/obgyn practice so that I could have a midwife and a better chance at a natural birth.

To show how crazy it's been with 2 kids it's been almost 2 more weeks since I wrote the above paragraphs. Between making sure the toddler doesn't do something nuts and having the baby attached to the boob it's been busy. So to continue where I left off...

With Logan's birth, after switching to a midwife group I was determined to have a natural birth. In the book Birthing from Within they recommend holding an ice cube in your hand and try different coping mechanisms. The pain of child birth is nothing like holding an ice cube, but the point of the exercise is to find a coping mechanism to deal with discomfort. You were supposed to hold the ice cube for 30 seconds to 1 minute at a time and find a coping mechanism.

I would hold on to that ice cube for 10 minutes thinking, "I got this".



See the cut on his face?

I was amped that I would be able to handle natural childbirth. Then Logan's due date came around, but no Logan. A week and 6 days later the midwive's told me I had low amniotic fluid and I needed to be induced. That was a downer. I had a feeling I was going to fall into the pit, epi, csection cycle. I later found out that low amniotic fluid is a myth.

On March 8th, straight from my appointment, they told me to check into the hospital immediately. They would use cervadil to soften the cervix. I was given a sleeping pill because the next day would be really hard. Yeah that sleeping pill was useless.

The next day around 5 am I called my doula Jessica Fuss and we started trying to induce labor naturally. I started walking laps around the hospital floor. My midwife on call was willing to let me delay the pitocin for an hour to get natural labor started. It didn't work so we went to the l&d floor. At Women & Infants they have an ABC unit. Which is the alternative birthing unit for people who want a "natural hospital" birth. I had planned to go there, but because I was getting induced I couldn't. They were nice enough to give a huge room with my own shower to mimic the ABC.

I had a fantastic nurse who took my birth plan and wasn't offended. She tried to fulfill my wishes, but things just didn't go my way.

I had to have continuous monitoring because when they first put the monitor on me, Logan's heart rate dipped. The problem with that, was his heart rate could only be read if I was lying flat on my back. That was fine for the first 6cm of dilation however, once I got to 7cm it was hard to just lay on my back and not move. Have you ever tried to labor naturally without moving? Not that easy.

I kept having to get up to pee and they had to keep readjusting the monitor. I threw up a couple of times. I started shaking like I was having seizures. It basically sucked.

So finally after hours of pain and not being able to move I got the epidural at 9cms. I fell asleep for a little bit and stopped progressing. Logan was sunny side up and my cervix was anterior. Then I started feeling enormous pressure and the epidural was useless at that point.

Finally they decided that I should get the csection. I was so upset and defeated at that point. Everything on my birth plan was completely wasted. The only thing I got to do was wear my own nightgown during the surgery. Yippee.

I remember thinking, "This is like a really shitty episode of Grey's Anatomy, I better not fucking die." I was shaking the whole way down to the operating room where they wheeled me in. Tons of people were in the room already, but I requested that only people that needed to be in there were in there. I said no to students. I was already pissed about getting a csection. I didn't feel like having students view my innards.

Tim came in and he was worried that I was having seizures because I was convulsing on the table. The anesthesiologist assured him that that was normal. My arms felt dead and they were strapped down. The lights were super bright and I could only stare at the ceiling. Tim kept trying to talk to me, but I just tuned him out. I think the depression was already setting in. I already felt like a huge failure because I couldn't birth the way that I had imagined.

When they brought Logan over the cloth wall to my face to see him, I really didn't care at that point. I do remember telling Tim to get away from me and to stay with Logan. Every time Tim hovered over me, I told him to go away and focus on Logan.

Finally, they took Logan to the room and I told Tim to go with them. I stayed behind to get my organs put into place and stitched up.

Logan meeting Daddy for the first time

When we were in the recovery room Tim was arguing with the nurse about putting erythromycin in Logan's eyes. Another thing on my birth plan that the new nurse ignored. Then they kept trying to get me to hold Logan. I was nervous because my arms still felt dead and I didn't want to drop him. I also didn't really have any interest in holding him.

It wasn't until we moved up to the recovery floor that I noticed the big cut on Logan's face. Tim was trying to keep it quiet so that I wouldn't be more upset. During the csection his cheek was cut open by the scalpel. Our nurse kept downplaying it, but my midwife finally stepped in and said he needed stitches. The plastic surgeon came in and put stitches in his face. She told us that he was the youngest patient she ever worked on...he was 3 hours old at that time.

Co-sleeping is it murder?

I forgot I even created this blog, but apparently I did back in 2010 a month after my son was born. He just turned two a couple of weeks ago. The point of this blog was to share some ideas that I found while I was researching parentdom. When you're a new parent there is so much information thrown at you that it can be a little overwhelming. Anything and everything can potentially kill or harm your child so now that my baby is two I'll share some basic things I've learned from reading and personal experiences. Now keep in mind most of what I write is based on personal experience and how my family has coped with each new milestone. I'm going to pick a hot button issue for this first post and I'll provide data for both sides of the issue.

First topic: Co-sleeping

Before my son was born my plan was to have him in a bassinet, in our room, for the first 9 months, and then have him transition into his crib. After about 2-3 weeks of this, our plan completely changed, and we decided that we were going to be a co-sleeping family. There were many factors that brought about this change. The first being that I decided to breastfeed. It was tiring to have to wake up, get him out of the bassinet, get in the rocking chair, try not to drop him or fall asleep while bfeeding, and then put him back in. Doing this 4-5 times a night makes you super cranky the next day. Also, I was extremely nervous and would get up and check to see if he was breathing every 10-15 minutes. This also effected my husband, I had a c-section and getting up was not easy for me that first month. I would wake him up every 30 minutes to check on our son on top of my 10-15 minute check ups. He would also get up and put our son in my lap to help me with bfeeding in the middle of the night. In short, neither of us was getting much sleep.

I really had reservations about this because you hear so many negative things in the media about co-sleeping and honestly I didn't want to be the one that smothered my child. Our first step was to talk to our pediatrician who from the get-go convinced us that we should be co-sleepers because of our choice to breastfeed. Our pediatrician is a holistic pediatrician with a medical degree so he's not your typical pediatrician. I explained my reservations and he assuaged my fears with plausible sounding co-sleeping research. I did my own research and this is basically what I found scary propaganda and also this more reasonable article from the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics).

Naturally, I decided to do more research and I found more information about co-sleeping that didn't equate co-sleeping with murder. We decided to get an arms reach bassinet because I felt that this would be the safest possible way to do it. When we finally received it, our bed was too short. If your bed is the perfect height for this bassinet, I would highly recommend getting it. They also sell little bumpers to heighten your bed, but my husband vetoed that idea. Since that didn't work, we found this product at our local baby supply store the snuggle nest. We used it for the first 4-6 months and it was perfect. It was a little hard to breastfeed him while he slept in it, so I just took him out then put him back in when he was done. I also like this product because it's mobile and you could take it anywhere with you. When I went to other people's homes I would bring this so that my son could take a nap comfortably.

We then transitioned to having him sleep in our bed with the bumpers that came with the snuggle nest. I found it easier to breastfeed because I just needed to roll over. It also made me feel a little safer with the bumper there, but honestly our son was never close to being smothered. I also want to make it clear that I was never inebriated when I slept with my son and we are not smokers. Those are the 2 highest factors that go against co-sleeping. So here's a little pro/con list in regards to my family's choice to co-sleep.

PROS:
-It made bfeeding 100 times easier
-I could sleep and feel rested
-My husband would get a full 8 hours of sleep because he never had to wake up to help me
-Our son would sleep for 4-7 hours at time before needing to breast feed (around 3-4 months old)
-He also got up later in the morning and not at 4 or 5am like he used to in the bassinet
-The bond between us is still very strong even till this day
-My internal clock synced with his and I would wake up a minute before he was ready to feed
-He was a very happy and well adjusted baby who let anyone and everyone hold him

CONS:
-None for our family

Again, I'm not recommending co-sleeping I'm simply stating that it was easier for us as a family. There is also the myth that once your baby is in the bed you're stuck with them forever. It only took us about a month when he was 16 months to transition him into his own bed. There wasn't a lot of fighting on either of our parts and he transitioned pretty well. The only time we have issues is when we are traveling. We normally let him sleep with us when we travel so it takes a couple of days for him to transition when we come back home. Now I may have been gifted with an easy going child and that's why it wasn't hard for us, but we'll have to see what happens the next time around.