Horn rimmed glasses don't make you smarter...asshole



I'm pyschic and annoyed that these glasses will become cool



This Hollywood trend of black horn rimmed glasses to make you appear intelligent really aggravates the shit out of me. When I was little I actually wanted to wear glasses. I have no idea why I wanted them, but I did everything in my power to make sure I could get them. I would sit as close to the T.V. as humanly possibly. Every time my mom would tell me to back up I would, then when she walked away I would press my face against the glass.





"Scorned woman" glasses



My plan worked at the age of 9, I was told that I needed glasses. My first pair of glasses were plastic horn(ish) rimmed ones. My Aunt Karen told me that wired rimmed glasses were dorky and plastic ones were what was cool. Honestly, I think she just wanted to make sure I wouldn't break my glasses because wire rimmed ones are more fragile.

My first pair of glasses

I decided to get plastic purple ones and I still can't believe she let me get them. They were the epitome of "this kid should get beaten up for these dorky ass glasses" glasses. When I find a picture of me wearing them I will post because WOW they were really bad. However, I did find this awesome picture of purple horn rimmed glasses that were very similar to what mine actually looked like. I really do think that these might have been the ones I did wear.



  

"Fake bake preggo" glasses



"I cheated on my wife" glasses



In middle school I decided to switch over to the wire framed ones because I realized how freaking dorky the plastic ones really were. The wire rimmed ones weren't that much better I looked like an owl with my huge round wire rimmed glasses. I think my plan of wanting glasses was starting to backfire. I didn't realize that when I got older I might not want to have any. Especially since I wanted to wear make up and feel pretty. Plus, it was a pretty well known fact that you couldn't be pretty if you wore glasses. Whenever, the dorky girl gets made over in movies the first thing to go is her glasses at least that was the case in the 90's. Now she's the leading character and only puts on her hipster glasses when she's doing something smart in a movie. 





"Smuggy Mcsmuggerson" glasses



When I finally did get contacts in middle school vanity won over. I wore them all the time because I could use eye make up. I went through a period in middle school where I would only wear contacts. It got to the point where I lost the contact for my left eye and would only wear one contact for about 6 months. I didn't want my mom to get mad at me for losing the contact, but I didn't want to wear glasses again. I finally admitted the truth, got in trouble, and stuck with glasses.

  

"Guido wants to be taken seriously" glasses



Sophomore year I decided to get black horn rimmed glasses. This tiny screw always popped out of the wire rimmed glasses and the lens would come out. I would have to hold my glasses together till I could find a really tiny screw driver to fix them. It was a pain in the ass and that's why I decided horn rimmed glasses would be less maintenance. I always kept a pair of contacts in case I wanted to go swimming or dress up.



"Hip-Hop moguls need to appear smart too" glasses

For a brief time in high school I wore contacts because I wanted to try something different. Then laziness won over vanity because I realized it takes a minute longer to put contacts in than to just put my glasses on. The up keep also became too much of a hassle for me. I would sleep with my contacts on all the time because I was too lazy to take them out for naps or just before bed. I would wake up with them glued to my eyeball and it would take hours to peel them off. I always had to remember to bring the case and cleaning solution with me everywhere I went. It was way too much work to deal with.



"A sex tape made me famous" glasses







"I'm actually a lesbian" glasses



Now, whenever I have to get new glasses I stick with something similar to what I always get. It's easier than trying something new which is a very boring way of life.I think I've gone through 5 pairs of black or tortoise shelled glasses. I think maybe I'll branch out next year and get those awesome purple plastic ones again. They probably only make them in child sizes so I may have to get them customized. Maybe, add some bling to it in the form of rhinestones or if I wanted to be really classy, Swarovski crystals.

"Can I be a bigger douche?" glasses





What really irritates me is that you hardly ever see these celebrities with glasses on. I wonder if these glasses are even prescription. Some of them don't even look like there are lenses in the frames.Usually celebrities only wear them when they're trying to appear less mainstream. It's so stylized and phony. They all know that "geek-chic" is in and what spells geek more than black horn rimmed glasses? Then you have all these hipsters hoping on this bandwagon like with those fucking mustaches. I want to commit glassescide and start wearing contacts, but I'm way too freaking lazy. The only time I'll wear contacts is when I want to be pretty and wear eye make up.

 

I'm shocked that a thing called hipster glasses exist







I guess I'll just have to go back to my owl wire rimmed glasses, but those will probably be next year's cool thing...fuck.







 

 

Mushroom Lasagna

I was watching the Barefoot Contessa one day and she made a portobello mushroom lasagna. I love lasagna and finding different ways of making it always appeals to me. She, of course, used a lot of heavy ingredients so I decided to make it a little bit lighter since I'm doing Weight Watchers. I also added onions and used pecorino romano cheese because I didn't have any parmesan cheese on hand. Instead of using traditional lasagna shells that you have to cook first; I used no boil lasagna shells because it's quicker.

Ingredients:

• Pre-heat oven to 375
• 28 ounces of mushrooms (I used regular button mushrooms and portobello mushrooms)
• 4 cups skim milk
• 1 medium sized onion
• 9 tbsps light butter
• 1/2 cup all purpose white flour
• 16 no boil lasagna shells (I used the Barilla brand)
• 1/2 a cup of pecorino romano cheese
• salt and pepper to taste
• 5 cloves of garlic
• Non-stick cooking spray

Instructions:

• In a sauce pan add the milk and let it simmer be careful not to let it burn stir occasionally
• Cut the mushrooms and onion (you can remove the stems and just use the tops I use the stems)
• Spray a pan with non-stick cooking spray, add 1 tbsp of light butter, then add mushrooms and onions, add a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper
• While that's cooking add 8 tablespoons of light butter into a sauce pan, once that's melted add garlic, then add the flour
• Stir the butter, garlic, and flour, then add the milk keep stirring to remove the lumps, (I use a whisk to stir) keep stirring till sauce thickens. Once the sauce has a thick creamy consistency remove from burner.
• Set up a lasagna making station I do sauce to the left, then mushrooms/onions, then cheese then right  next to my right hand I put the shells
• Put down a layer of sauce, then three shells horizontally,then another layer of sauce, mushrooms/onions, sprinkle cheese, then put another layer of shells and repeat till done
• On the top layer I add sauce and the remaining cheese
• Then spray one side of aluminium foil with non-stick cooking spray, cover the lasagna, put into the oven cook for 50-60 minutes

*You actually end up using only half of the sauce I put that on the table so you can add more sauce once the lasagna is cooked.

Serving size 6 pieces at 6 WW points per piece

I always add broccoli because it's zero points and I don't mind eating it plain. Enjoy!

Why I'm obsessed with zombies and not because Hollywood told me to be

I know that Zombies have become such a cliched niche of the supernatural genre, but I've always loved them. Here's why:



Tim (my husband) as a zombie Halloween 2009, those are my handy make up skills



I'm Filipino and not in the sense that I'm a million generations removed. I lived in the Philippines till I was four and my mom was born and raised there. I still understand Tagalog and can speak it like a 5 year old. Now if you don't know the culture then you can't possibly understand why this would make you a zombie expert. I'm going to beak it down for you and give you some helpful tips when, not if, a zombie apocalypse happens.

Filipinos are seriously a superstitious group of people. I believe this happened because here they were fun loving island people living in the Philippines (minding their own business) when BAM; Spain is all like hey I'm going to colonize you. Along with the colonization they decided to introduce Catholicism. Now here you have a bunch of superstitious jungle people and you're going to teach them about Jesus. A man who was the son of God, who walked on water, who turned water into wine, who rose from the dead, and is the savior of humanity. Do you see the juxtaposition happening here?

Spain colonized the Philippines in the 1500's and 500(ish) years later Catholicism is still one of the most practiced religions. Whenever I speak to white people who have a met a Filipino or two they always tell me how crazy Filipinos are. My answer to that is: "No shit." This article about Filipinos imitating the crucifixion pretty much sums it up. Also, what other country has a zombie race? In America we have zombie crawls where people dress up in zombie drag and stumble around, but no one is actually chasing you. Yes, we at times can be a messed up group of people however, we can sing, and dance better than you. Have you seen the Filipino prisoners dancing to Thriller and other songs?

This also goes to show you that Filipinos care so much about dancing and preforming that it's not taken away from their hardened criminals.

When I was growing up my bedtime stories from my mother didn't involve Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty they were about exorcisms and possessed people that she knew in the Province. She would tell me about people who were possessed by the Devil and had to get exorcised.

She also told me about the time her and her niece saw an Aswang and chased it down. Aswangs are the the most well known of Filipino folklore this list gives a great example of Filipino monsters. Aswangs are basically a mix of a vampire and a shape shifter. The Aswang my mom saw, was in the shape of a cat. These stories were always combined with Bible stories as well. Clearly, the Bible and demonology go together. Anytime you ask my mom for a scary story she always has a true story that's sincerely creepy. Tim always asks her to tell him a story and when she's done talking he always asks me if it's true. How would I know? I wasn't there.  



Example of an Aswang

 This is what I grew up hearing and for some reason my family thought it would be okay for me to watch horror movies at a young age. I saw IT (the movie about a creepy ass clown, based on a book by Stephen King) at the age of four. I also remember watching Pet Semetary, Nightmare on Elm Street, and numerous Filipino horror movies before turning the age of six. I was also handed a Bible and told to read the book of Revelations (which details the apocalypse) so that I could get ready for the future. I remember being handed a Catholic pamphlet, at the age of 9(ish), which gave specific instructions about what to do during that time. I wish I still had it because it had scary pictures of demon type figures surrounding a house, and the people inside were kneeling in prayer.

Now there are many other examples that I could give you as to why my fascination with the supernatural occurred from a young age, but I don't feel like typing a 2000 page book. This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my supernatural education.



Nicole and I (normal) during our Simmons heydays

 As you can see I'm not a bandwagon(er) when it comes to zombie paraphernalia. I just don't discuss it unless you're one of my close friends because then you would most likely think I was nuts. I know this for a fact because Nicole, my roommate at Simmons, and I would play a zombie game on the T all the time. When we were bored we would play, "What are your personal strategies on surviving a zombie attack at X location". The side-eyes we would get from fellow commuters behind their Boston Globes and Wall Street Journals, couldn't be more blatant. It was a fun game to pass the time and a good way to get some nice strategy tips from a different perspective.

Chive Mac & Cheese w/ "Breaded" Chicken Tenders

I loooovvveee comfort foods which I'm sure everyone else does as well. I am a huge fan of Mac & Cheese and when I learned how to make it from scratch I can't stop trying different combinations. I was watching Rachel Ray the other day and she made a Chicken Cordon Bleu Plate Special.

 Basically it was deconstructed Chicken Cordon Bleu. She made Mac & Cheese with ham and breaded chicken on the side. It looked delicious, but it also looked like 1000 calories on one plate. I decided to create my own spin off of her dish.

The "breaded" chicken was actually inspired by another recipe that I saw on my favorite blog Emily Bites. She made a Cheesy Chicken and Stuffing that was chicken breaded with Stove Top stuffing mix. I made it last week and I couldn't wait to make a variation of it again.

Breaded Chicken

Ingredients:

• 1lb of Boneless, Skinless, Chicken Tenders
• 1 cup of Stove Top stuffing mix (unprepared)
• 1 egg
• 2 tbsps of White Flour
• Cooking Spray

Directions:

• Set oven to 350
• Spray Pyrex dish with cooking spray set aside
• Set up your breading station
• 1st Station Flour
• 2nd Station Egg
• 3rd Station Stove Top
• Take a chicken tender coat with flour, then coat with egg, and finish off with a coating of Stove Top
• Place in Pyrex
• Repeat these steps for each tender
• Place in oven
• Cook for 30 minutes
• Let cool and enjoy!

Servings: 9 (The package I bought had 9 tenders pre-cut)

WW points per tender: 3 points

*By the time I remembered to take a picture Tim was shoving the last bite into his mouth :( I'll try to add one the next time I make this.

While the chicken tenders are baking you can prepare the Mac & Cheese

Chive Mac & Cheese

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsps of Butter
• 4 tbsps of Flour
• 1/2 a cup of Fat Free Milk
• 1 can of 99% Fat Free Chicken Broth (I used Swanson's organic one)
• 1/4 a cup of Sharp White Cheddar
• 1/4 a cup of Gruyere Cheese
• 1/4 a cup of Reduced Fat Cheddar
• 2 tbsps of Chives
• 1 tbsp of Olive Oil
• Salt and Pepper to taste
• 1 box of Barilla Plus Penne Pasta

Directions:

• Fill a pot with water, 1 tbsp of olive oil, and just a pinch of salt and pepper
• When pot comes to a boil add the box of Barilla Plus Penne Pasta and reduce heat to medium/medium high
• In a sauce pan add the butter and when it's melted add the flour
• Stir butter and flour to make a roux
• Once combined add the milk
• Keep stirring till milk and roux are smooth
• Add the white cheddar stir till all the cheese is melted
• Add the Gruyere cheese stir till all the cheese is melted
• Add the reduced fat cheddar stir till all the cheese is melted
• Add a pinch of salt and pepper
• Add the can of broth start stirring in a figure 8 shape (Rachel Ray recommends this and it does seem to keep the sauce smooth whenever I do it)
• Pasta should be done cooking, strain it and put it back into the pot you used to cook it
• Once the cheese sauce is blended add the chives and stir
• Pour the cheese sauce over the pasta and coat evenly

Servings: 8 ( The pasta totaled to 8 cups once prepared)

WW points per serving: 5 points

Mexican Pizza

I made a Mexican style pizza toady for dinner that was only 4 WW points per serving! It tasted delicious and was very filling. We actually had pizza two nights in a row. I was in a pizza mood yesterday and awhile ago I had bought some Boboli Whole Wheat pizza crusts. I wanted to use them before they went bad.

I went to my favorite recipe blog Emily Bites to see what ideas she had. I found a recipe for a Cheeseburger pizza (click on the link for the recipe). I made that Monday night and I still had some left over ingredients. I was actually going to make another cheeseburger pizza tonight, but I had a lot of taco ingredients that I had to use soon. I decided to put them on the Boboli crust and call it a Mexican pizza!

Ingredients:

• 3oz of 93% ground beef
• 1 Boboli Whole Wheat Pizza Crust
• 5 tbsps of Herdez Salsa Verde or any other brand of Verde style Salsa (it's the green kind)
• 2 tbsps of Fat Free Sour Cream
• 1/2 a cup of Shredded Queso Cheese
• 1/4 a cup of Reduced fat Cheddar Cheese
• 1/4 a cup of Tomatoes
• 4 tbsps of Scallions
• 3 wedges of Laughing Cow Queso Fresco Chipolte Cheese
• 1/4 a cup of Red Onions
• 1/4 a cup of Black Beans
• 2 tsps of sodium less taco seasoning
• Cooking Spray
• Garlic Powder no more than 2 tsps

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 450
• Brown 1lb of ground beef in a skillet
• While the ground beef is cooking dice the tomatoes, scallions, and red onion set aside
• In a small bowl combine the 3 wedges of Laughing Cow cheese, Sour Cream, and 2 tbsps of Herdez Salsa when finished set aside
• Drain ground beef
• Add 2/3 cups of water and taco seasoning packet to the skillet
• Add the onions to the ground beef and cook for about 5-10 minutes when ground beef/onion mixture is finished take the pan off the burner and measure out 3 ozs of ground beef/onion.
• Put the remaining meat in a container and store in the fridge
• Spray the outer edge of the pizza pie crust with the cooking spray about 1/2 an inch
• With a light hand sprinkle garlic powder on the area that you just sprayed
• Take your combined laughing cow cheese, sour cream, salsa and spread that onto the pizza pie, but make sure you don't go into the cooking spray area, that's your crust
• Now sprinkle the beef/onion mixture, beans, tomatoes, scallions onto the pizza
• Add the 1/4 a cup of reduced fat cheddar cheese
• Layer the 1/2 a cup of shredded queso cheese
• Sprinkle the remaining 3 tbsps of salsa on top
• Cook pizza for 8-10 minutes
• Let cool and enjoy

Servings 6 at 4 WWpoints per slice

The Journey of becoming Fatty Fatty Fatkins

Me and my Mom, I'm about 2 and clearly not chubby

6(ish) and still skinny

When I was born I weighed 5 pounds and was always a very small child. Growing up I was never called the chubby kid. I was made fun of for other reasons like my Dumbo ears or skin color.

I became aware of weight in middle school when the kids started talking about diets and fattiness. This was never really my concern because I was around 95 pounds in 6th grade.  The summer before 8th grade came along and I gained a whopping 20 pounds, I was a fat cow at 115 (or so I thought). Obviously, I wasn't even remotely fat, but I thought so. I started exercising during commercial breaks when I watched TV. I dropped down to 100 in about 2 months.

14 summer before sophomore year

Senior Prom, 98 pounds



I was lucky my weight was never a struggle for me in high school. I would worry about clothes fitting sometimes, but that was more or less because I was short. I averaged around a size 0 or 2 and usually weighed less than 115. I jokingly used to say, I wish I was fat just so I could see what it would be like. Be careful what you wish for!

Ballroom dancing comps kept me skinny

While some of my peers struggled with their weight I just ate what I wanted and never exercised. Around junior year I started taking dance classes and toyed with joining our cross country team because my friends wanted me to. I started losing more weight and I was 98 pounds when I graduated high school. I could fit into a size 16 kids at the age of 17. Then college came around...



High School Graduation w/Dad and Mom

Instead of gaining the "Freshman 15" I gained the Freshman 32 and was 135 pounds. For the next four years my weight would bounce from 140 to 120. When I would actually start running and pay more careful attention to what I ate I could lose the weight.

At a HUGE 135 w/ my cousin Bobby





At 165 w/ my cousin Freddie







My husband and I started dating in 2004 and my weight went uphill from there. It was like every year I would just gain 20lbs and couldn't stop. I would get to 150 and think I can't get any bigger, but then at the end of the year I would weigh 170.



My husband Tim and I in 2007 @ 175

It wasn't as if I was on a weight roller coaster because you usually come down, I kept going up and up. I'll see pictures of myself at 135 and remember how miserable I was because I thought I was HUGE. It didn't help that during that time certain family members were already calling me fat and continue doing so.

Our Wedding 2008 @ 185

 I just want to say; telling someone they're fat usually doesn't make them aware of the problem. Chances are they own a mirror and can see that for themselves. I find that when you tell me I'm fat that doesn't really motivate me to lose the weight it just makes me want to punch you in face. This doesn’t help me lose the weight and makes you an asshole in my mind.

Finally a reason to be fat, I'm pregnant! January 2010

I have tried to count calories and put myself on an exercise regimen, but then something will waylay me and I can't get back on track. I'll lose 15, get sidetracked, gain it back, and start all over again.

My friends are happy because I make them look skinnier! August 2011

I've finally come to the decision that I'm going to push myself off the top of the roller coaster and try to plummet down. I hate getting out of breath when I go to check the mail. I can't stand looking at myself in pictures and not recognizing the Big Bertha in the corner.


At our friend's wedding August 2011


I joined Weight Watchers 4 days ago and so far I've lost 3 pounds. I hope that I can finally stay on track this time because type 2 diabetes and heart disease aren't something I'm looking forward to. While searching the Internet I have found some good blogs that share low calorie recipes. My favorite recipes blog is Emily Bites she posts recipes and tells you what the points are for Weight Watchers. Her recipes are delicious and I love trying them out, so far every recipe I've tried has been outstanding. Inspired by her recipes I'm going to post my first WW recipe after this post.


To get myself more motivated I look at these pictures to see what I have become. Looking at a timeline of fatness puts things into perspective. It's even worse when I show people my pre-fat pics and they say is that your sister? Um no, just pre-fat me.



All I want for Christmas is you...weight loss Christmas 2011

In the past I'll look at a picture of myself at that current weight and think, "It can't get worse than this." Then the following year I'll have gained more weight and view that same picture in envy wishing I was still that weight.



Hopefully, I won't be envying this picture next year. Instead I'll be thinking, "Damn girl, you lost a lot of weight since then."

Chickety Chicken Salad

This is the first time I've made chicken salad and it's not something I really grew up with. The first time I ate chicken salad was in 2009 when a co-worker brought some in for potluck. He brought chicken salad from the Willow Tree Farm in Attleboro, MA and it was delicious. I decided to make some because there was boiled chicken in the fridge and no one knew who made it or how it got there. I calculated the points in WW recipe builder to make sure I stick to my plan.

Just for the Chicken Salad

Ingredients:

• 10 oz of boiled or baked boneless, skinless, chicken
• 8 tbsp of reduced fat mayo (I used Kraft's Olive Oil Mayo)
• 1 or 2 medium scallions/chives/wild onion they all seem to be somewhat the same thing

Directions:

• Bring a pot of water to a boil and boil chicken till cooked, usually 15-20 minutes
• If baking chicken coat a Pyrex dish with cooking spray (0 Points) and bake chicken on 350 degrees for about 30-45 minutes
• Then you can either cut or shred your chicken into small edible pieces
• Add 8 tbsps of reduced fat mayo
• Salt and Pepper just to taste
• Cut the 1 or 2 medium scallions/chives/wild onion into smaller pieces ( I actually just use kitchen scissors and cut it over the bowl, it's quicker in my opinion)
• Then stir all the ingredients together until all the chicken is coated with mayo evenly

Servings: 10 for 1 oz WW points: 2 points


My plate of veggies ready for the sandwich

                5 for 2 oz  WW points: 5 points

Now you can do the servings 2 different ways either 1 oz or 2 oz it depends on how many points you want to use. I personally did 2 ozs because I wanted a lot of chicken salad. What I did with my chicken salad is I created a sandwich. I know some people eat it plain, but I prefer it in a sandwich. I also chose a lot of 0 point items to put into the sandwich so I can eat more items, but not increase my points...obviously :)

Chicken Salad Sandwich

Ingredients:

• 1/8 of a red onion: 0 points
• 1/2 a cup of 50/50 salad mix: 0 points
• 4 slices of a plum tomato: 0 points
• 5 slices of English cucumber: 0 points
• 2 slices of Kroger brand light wheat bread toasted or not depending on your preference: 2 points

Assembly required

This totaled to 7 points for lunch. You can use any leafy green, onion, tomato, or cucumber because most are 0 points just make sure you double check your WW guides for point calculations.

Since, my lunch was so filling I didn't really need to eat another snack with it. If you find that one sandwich is not enough I would eat 10 baby carrots on the side with 2 tbsps of hummus. The hummus I use is the Athenos brand of roasted garlic and for 2 tbsps its only 1 point.



Leaning tower of chicken salad